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Daddy Thoughts 6- Dad day again

Today while walking out of the movies on father’s day I held
my son on my back; giving him a piggy back ride, walking next to his mom. Strangely I was brought back
to a promise I made to him when he was just a itty bitty baby in his crib. I’m
sure my parents and step father made the same to me at some point. The promise
was to be there for him, to be his guardian angel with or without wings (watched Maleficent). To do
my best, even though I might #$%& up, and I definitely do occasionally. I
lose my temper sometimes when I have passed the point of asking nicely for him to
clean up his toys. I have been late to pick him up from school before once.
Maybe twice. I once fed my child some moldy rice (ewww, yuck) and
didn’t realize what the funny smell was. Bad dad. But, through the bumps and scrapes,
I’m still here and so is he. I occasionally screw up, trying my best to make due with a graphic novel
here, a smoothie there, a lesson in cracking eggs, and a regular “I Love You”.
Said and done with all of my heart. This father’s day I did not spend it with
my father or my step father even though I would have liked to have them both in
the same room (maybe when I get married?). But, I did have a pretty awesome
Fathers day with my son, his mom, a card, small gifts, ice cream, a trip to the record store, deep
dish pizza, and a movie. I am a co-parent. I raise my son with my son’s mother
together, through ups and downs.

I want to give a shout out to all the fathers out there
today who like me have made a commitment and who will live and transition
fulfilling it.  I want to say a prayer of forgiveness to any who feel shame for making a mistake, let it go and step forward. I want to say a prayer for those who are in pain mental or physical who could use our wishes. And I want to give a special shout out to the Rad Dad Collective for
giving me a new place to share my energy and thoughts on parenting, even if it is
just by helping other dads share theirs. I feel quite hopeful this year for new
lessons and new opportunities. Peace!
-Rob

And (shameless self promoting here) in case achem* you have been under a rock or taking a break
from social media, I have launched the campaign to release my first children’s
book called “Furqan’s First Flat Top” funded by a crowd of fathers and mothers, and book lovers like you. 
Take care dads.
June 16, 2014
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Daddy Thoughts 4- Bicycle

I learned to ride a bike when I was very young. I don’t remember my dad or my mom showing me, although I’m sure they did. I remember teaching myself and my uncle Raymond helping me. I remember him pushing me to go and him telling me or encouraging me to fall. And while this idea scared my son, it worked for me. I fell hella times and I learned. I fell off the bike, I got back up. My son is now 8; got his first bike at the age of 3 or 4 and was never really interested in riding it that much. He really liked a scooter when he got to kinder-garden but was unimpressed by the bicycle at 5. And when I tried to take the training wheels off, forget it! He was adamant about leaving them to say the least. I also kind of told him to just fall first and get it over with. I said “you’re going to do a whole lot of falling so just do it now and get over any fear of it”. That didn’t work.

Fast forward three years later. I think I might have scared him just a little. Although I was a Bmx fanatic at the age of 7 or 8, I did not pressure him anymore about riding. I just thought “you’ll pick it up with some kids you want to ride with” someday. Low and behold, his Mami takes him to hang with his friends (Sister 6yrs /brother 5 yrs) and he learns in a day. No more awkward balancing. No more excuses or strange stares at the mention of riding bikes. Before I saw the video of the first ride he proudly shared the news with me when we got home to grandma’s house. I took out his old bike (which is very small for him now), took off the training wheels, and he took off.

There I was, in the midst of the day to day grind, thinking I knew what it meant to be a parent and to “see” my son; and I was blown away with amazement and pride again. It was like seeing that first step, feeling the first tooth, or watching him pull himself up. We must of rode for 20 or 30 minutes. It was great. I realized once again how strong his character is because I just gave him space when he asked for it. He came to the bike (which is really a metaphor for anything) when he was “ready”.

A week or so later we’re riding again. Racing up and down the hill on grandmas block. He’s triumphantly beat me down the hill several times already. But on a race with me, him, and Grandpa Gary he looses his handle. And bam, his first crash! Scraped up pretty good, but not life threatening he roars screaming in pure terror. This scrape, that burn, the feeling is brand new and it hurts. I quickly put on my Doctor voice picking him up and taking him to clean the wounds as he screams more. Amidst creams and pleading with me not to clean it with any disinfectants. After throwing his hands up, he tells me several times that he doesn’t want to die and I finally clean the wounds. Lord, I tried not to laugh. He’s a cancer, very very dramatic child. He then limps into the living room.

Two hours later he tells me he’s ready to get back on the bike. My smile inside, a sense of fatherly pride was so big I wanted to cry. At bedtime I told him as I put the covers on him how proud of him I was that he fell. And that he got back up.
 -Rob

May 7, 2013
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Daddy thoughts 2- Run

“We all running in some form or another. If not to score a touchdown, just to go a step further…..I wont waste my life time going in circles. I know where Im going and Ima get there. With focus, I go for the gold like Jackie Joyner, the race is not for the swift. Its a test of endurance” -Stic Man

 RUN. 

Since I have legs and can walk,I run. I was inspired by reading some daddy blogs today after putting my little one to sleep; to write. A fellow parent recommended I get hip to the Dad blogosphere, which I had no idea was so HUGE. More on that later. I’ve been running again weekly for about 9 months now. I’ve had spurts and lapses here and there before then and now as well.

I ‘ve been running my entire life. Sometimes from problems, danger, responsibility, or even opportunity. I was never an atheletic cat, but I love walking for long distances in any direction and when I was in junior high I truly developed a love of running. The shortness of breath, the sweat, the adrenaline that kicks in as your second, or even third win hits.

Now though, I run to prepare myself. I run to stay loose, toward no specific destination, but to stay ready. I’m a father and I have to keep up with my little boy among other things. Today as we played and kicked the soccer ball around and ran with another dad and his kids, i was glad that my lungs hold up. I hope to stay fit for the entireity of my life so that I can see as much of his life as possible. I dont run far. I dont run the fastest, and I definitely dont have the best running shoes, but I do run. I do go a little bit longer each time, and I do it consistently. Add a sprint for the last to yards and 10 pull ups or more at a local park and Ive got myself a good workout.

I run at night, usually after my boy is a sleep; or after ten if he is not with me. I do it for myself, my health, for my life, and so I can keep up with this little prince…..I run to build something in myself, in my career maybe, my art, or my soul too.

 “A journey of a thousand miles begins one step at a time” -Lao Tzu

November 24, 2012
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Daddy Thoughts 1: A Fathers Day thought


 To quote brother Qtip “I think i gotta, I think I gotta , I think i gotta SCREAM! Cuz that’s how good it feels”

Everyday I’m grateful for my Saja (Dancing Lion) and his momma Núa Puma.

 I remember I used to laugh when my mom got all mushy about her love for me. But I overstand now and couldn’t imagine life w/o my son. It is truly a blessing and a “gift” because I sincerely believe our children “choose” their parents. I’m not religious, but I believe “energy” whether positive or negative, never dies. It only changes form.

To watch life through my son’s eyes, to see what they see, to teach, protect them, to be bound to them by need, choice, and sincere love… But most importantly to learn from them is transformative. It changes you. My son was born when I was only a boy, but it changed me.

On this day, I should be thanking him and giving him a “child’s day card”,lol….

 There are times when I’m unsure about how and when i will fight back against society’s social ills, then I remember to do whatever I can to raise my son and be a part of his life, and to have him be a part of my life. Together our intentions and jokes and laughter can change the world, starting with our relationship, together.

I think about all the babies who lost their fathers due to death, imprisonment, or worse. I think of all the brothers I know and knew who had a horrible relationship with their fathers if they had a relationship with them at all. I think about all the young men/boys I see starting fights, spitting, talking about shooting somebody or pretending to shoot, putting any and everyone (especially other men) down, cussin’ to show just how “hard” they are. When really it would be fresh just to hear a man say “I love you”. “I care about you”, “I’m proud of you”, “you mean the world to me”, “I’d do anything for you, anything”.

Folks, it will be a revolutionary day when men from all cultures can openly express their love, gratitude, patience, respect, and compassion for one another. Then at the same time, show that love to the women who are our sisters, mothers, lovers, friends, relatives, or to women we don’t even know. All this without an engineered and hammered in mental block that says our minds and bodies must live within someone’s tiny perameters of what a “man” is.

Brothers, we got a lot of work to do. Part of why shit is so fucked up is because a lack of being raised and bathed in love. A lack of presence and guidance. I could go on, but you get the point. I’m hella not perfect, I’m constantly making mistakes as a man and as a father. I’ve had a rough relationship with my dad at times, as he did with his dad. But I have him and my stepdad to thank along with so many other men in my family and my life for teaching me to walk with pride and to see the world just a little bit different-although they make mistakes they are still here in my life trying their hardest. And I appreciate that shit, I appreciate them.

Today on fathers day, me, my son, and his mom shared food, desert ( my favorite part!), time, hugs, and the Miami heat vs OKC game. I could do with out basketball, but it is the time I always cherish. Although we have not been “together” for years; me and my son’s mom raise our child together through rough and smooth roads.  Shout out to the mothers who carry the work of two parents!

To all the dads out there, lets all try to remember to give our mothers as much love and props as they give us. So much love and respect to the men in my life for your fatherly advice, praise, grace, and persistence to rise no matter how many times society attempts to knock us back down! Happy Father’s Day! Enjoy your babies smiles, they will change the world, as they have changed us.


My Dad and my son (4 mo’s old)

 
My stepdad and my son (2 yrs old)

 Me and my boy (at 1st bday party)

June 18, 2012
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